You Don't Know My Heart
by SilverIce0
Summary: Sometimes, no matter how much you give, people will never give back. They will take and take without a second thought, until you have nothing left. Sometimes walking in the light is more painful than walking in the dark. After all the brighter the light, the darker the shadow. "Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."[SpideyPool/Cover art by me]
1. Chapter 1

**Ok so it's been a long ass time since I've done a multi-chaptered story, my other ones are kind of on hiatus. It's a bit fast paced probably. It'll probably be a slow (ish) update though since I'm working on tons of other stuff [mostly art]. My sister is working on this with me so hopefully there won't be too much grammatical errors O^O. They might be a little ooc but I'm not sure. I haven't read a whole lot of comics (only some deadpool ones and Spider-man ones) so most of it is based of the movies. It's so much easier to draw them out ;-;**

* * *

 ** _Summary:_ Sometimes, no matter how much you give, people will never give back. They will take and take without a second thought, until you have nothing left. Sometimes walking in the light is more painful than walking in the dark. After all the brighter the light, the darker the shadow. "Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."**

 **Spider-man aka Peter Parker has finally reached that breaking point. Dangling over the edge with only a single thread keeping him from falling into the depths of despair and anguish. Of course our friendly neighborhood spider-man can't be seen in such a state, he had a city to protect after all- it was his responsibility. Normally when people hide behind a mask for strength they mean it metaphorically, in Spidey's case, it's literal. Spider-man was the only thing that kept him from falling. The strong protects the weak, but who protects the strong?**

* * *

 _You do such great things, but what good do you do? Save lives? The lives of whom? Those people? The people who care nothing about you? The people who make you look as if you were the criminal? Those ungrateful assholes of society? What do you owe those people? What have they ever done for you? Unlike other heroes who are rewarded with gratefulness and praise, you are trashed—insulted—and when you can't save them, they blame you. You save lives; they aren't happy. You don't do anything—and you aren't responsible—and they blame you. They are—those people are—so infuriating!_

Peter had felt this way so many times; it had become a common occurrence. _Guilt_. It was such a heavy, painful feeling. He breathed in deeply, his eyes were shut tightly, and many thoughts ran through his mind, quickly followed by memories. There were so many times he felt this way-too many times. The first, most memorable time was the death of his uncle. He could've saved him. The guilt he felt was so heavy that day. It wasn't something that disappeared with time, either. It stayed with him-that feeling. It was always on his guilt would never leave, and it hurt.

Then, there was the death of Gwen's father, soon followed by Gwen's death. More guilt piled up from this. He couldn't get rid of that horrible feeling. He clenched his fists and breathed out. Over and over again, he felt guilt. Many people died. There were many lives that he wasn't able to save. The guilt of not being there when someone needed him weighed heavily on him.

Sometimes the pain felt too real, almost like he was literally being stabbed in the gut or something. He breathed in again. His head hurt. His chest hurt. He wondered why he was suffering from so much pain. Why couldn't he save his uncle? Why couldn't he have saved those people? Why wasn't he stronger? Why?

He inhaled sharply. Those people...There was a pregnant woman who fell from the roof of a burning building. He couldn't save her because he was occupied with getting the villain who created the fire away from all the other buildings. He thought the firefighters were capable of saving everyone. He thought that they could handle the fire while he distracted the villain. Why? Why did they have to die? Why couldn't he save them? How could he have let this happen? He was drowning in guilt, and there was no way to rid himself of this feeling.

Later that day, Peter found himself at the Stark Tower. He was still suffering from the feeling of guilt, but he covered up all traces of pain upon seeing Captain America, Tony Stark, and the rest of the Avengers. He smiled in greeting at them. Clint Barton was sitting on a couch playing some game with Thor.

"Peter! Come on. You have to play against me. Thor sucks," Clint muttered the last part. Peter laughed and ran over to them.

"I do not understand this! Man of spiders! How does this strange contraption control these figures on this screen?"

"Uh, how about we enjoy this instead of trying to take apart my console, yeah?" Clint groaned.

"Alright guys, whatcha playin'?" Peter asked before Thor could question him again. He really didn't want to get into the science behind technology and all that.

"COD Black Ops 3. Zombies." Clint replied, grabbing Thors controller and handing it over to Peter. Thor grinned and leaned back on the couch.

"Ah yes Man of Spiders, I would like to see your skills in this game of killing the undead."

Peter let out a light chuckle.

"Try not to die too much alright?" Clint laughed and resumed the game.

"If you're so good then your partner wouldn't be dead." Peter quipped.

Halfway through the mission-neither of which had died- Tony decided to step in front of the screen with his arms crossed and a sly smirk.

"Hey!" Clint grunted, clearly annoyed, as he paused the game. "You're kinda blocking the view…"

"Yeah well, you guys are gonna need to turn it off. I need Peter. Cap called you in."

"Rodgers? What's he want?" Clint asked.

"What does he ever want?"

Peter set his controller down after turning off the console, leaving the TV to Clint.

"Should I suit up?" Peter asked, standing up and jumping over the couch to catch up with Tony.

"Might as well, Steve says you've got a small mission. Nothing big though, so it'll just be you and me." Peter already had his shirt off, revealing his spider-man spandex underneath, by the time they exited the elevator.

"So where to?" Spider-man asked, as he and Tony ran down the block. Spider-man swinging from building to building further ahead.

"Not too far fortunately. There's a robbery at least four blocks down."

"And we need two people for just a robbery?"

"Electro is the one robbing the bank. Plus I thought it'd be nice to have backup."

"Wow, sparky's back?" Spider-man said over the com. "And here I thought he'd finally retire. And hey, I do _not_ need backup."

Spider-man landed on a rooftop across the street from the bank. Watching as the front door bursted open with an explosion of electricity. Peter took that as his cue to make his appearance. Stark not far behind.

"Sparkles! Long time no see, what's up man?" Spider-man waved at the man. Electro shot at his feet with a growl.

"The name's Electro, you stupid bug!"

Spider-man dodged a beam of electricity, jumping over Electro and shot a string of webbing at his back. He yanked on it, causing Electro to fall backwards.

"Okay, how many times do I have to say this? Spiders are _arachnids_ not _bugs_." He pulled on the web again swinging Electro around before he let go. The electric powered mutate flew right back into the bank he'd robbed, crashing through the wall. Spider-man crawled through the newly formed hole and as his feet touched the other side his spider-sense went off, sending a shock down his spine, and he jumped to the ceiling barely dodging the beam of electricity.

The small amount of civilians that had yet to make their way out of the bank screamed. Those that weren't behind the counters rushed to the giant hole where the doors used to be and made their way into the streets. Peter was sure that Stark would make sure they got away from the scene safely. In the meantime, he focused on taking down Electro before he could get away.

 _Alright, what are you up to Volts. Usually you're with the sinister six. That or Doc Ock,_ Peter thought as he sped along the ceiling, avoiding each bolt of electricity the villain shot at him. As soon as he reached the wall behind the bank counters he jumped down, landing in a crouch. His spider-sense tingled again and he swerved to his right just in time to avoid another beam of electricity that tore a jagged hole through the counter.

"I can't believe he was right," Electro muttered as he threw a punch, "I thought some random avenger would come and take care of this."

"Why so surprised? This _is_ my city after all, of course I'd be here to knock you into next week. Although I'd prefer it if I didn't have to deal with you next week either. I've got things to do ya know."

 _Mostly dates with Wade_.

Spider-man wasn't quick enough to dodge the next round of electricity beams. His body twitched violently from the aftershock as Electro hit him point blank in the abdomen.

"JESUS F-" He gasped,"And here I was hoping I'd build an immunity to electricity by now."

His spider-sense was going crazy but before he could move there was a sharp stinging feeling in his neck, he swatted a hand at whatever it was. However, the object had already been removed and he ended up hitting himself.

"Well then, happy birthday Spider-man." Electro laughed. He tossed aside an empty syringe.

"Ugh, first of all, it's _not_ my birthday." He responded shooting out a string of webbing. Using it to propel him forward, he kicked the man in the chest. "Secondly, even if it was, pointed objects are not the greatest gifts. Unless of course you're Deadpool, he'd love them. Although I'm pretty sure he wouldn't like to be stabbed with said gift. Now normally I'd appreciate the gesture, but seeing how you just basically stabbed me with a needle I'm gonna have to give you a gift of my own. I mean it would be rude otherwise. Receive a gift, give a gift."

With that said, Spider-man threw an uppercut, hitting Electro square in the jaw, sending him flying across the bank once again. He shot a strand of webbing and swung himself over to the villain, chasing him out of the bank and out in the open.

"What was in that thing anyway?" _I don't feel sick, so it can't be poison…_ His spider-sense wasn't tingling anymore.

Before Electro could answer, that is if he was going to anyway, the sound of Iron Man's repulsors crackled and shot him. With a heavy thump, Iron Man landed and aimed his palms out towards the unconscious Electro again.

"So are you going to wait until he gets away before you web him up or what?"

Spider-man rolled his eyes behind his mask and snorted, webbing up the finally unconscious man.

"So you just decided that instead of coming to help me, you'd wait to steal the moment of glory? Is that how Tony Stark operates now?"

"Kid, that's how it's always been." Tony said with a smirk, the Iron Man mask lifted revealing his face.

As Tony helped the cops with Electro, Peter rubbed a hand against the back of his neck, slowly pushing up the mask there. He didn't get an answer yet. Whatever Electro injected into him, if the syringe even had anything in it to begin with (could've been a scare tactic for all he knew), he felt nothing. Other than his skin turning cold as he thought about it.

"I hope that wasn't some weird mutant stuff. The last thing I need is to turn into an actual spider." He muttered.

"You okay kid?" Tony asked as he made his way back to Spider-man. The cops had cleared out, save for the few that stayed behind to close off the scene for safety.

"Yeah, peachy." He answered, "We're done here right? I've got some things to do, people to see."

"Oh?" He smirked, "Gonna have some fun tonight?"

"W-what...no! Oh my god Stark seriously?"

"So who's the lucky woman? Or man."

 _Right...haven't told anyone yet. Ugh, how the hell am I supposed to tell them I'm dating Wade? They'd either kill him - well as close to kill as they can get - or they'd give me a lecture about how it's supposedly a bad idea, every day of the week for the rest of my life._

 _Wade's a good guy._

Peter sighed harshly and glared at older man who simply winked back.

"None of your business."

"Oh ho! So there is someone!"

Before he could reply, the large TVs that were attached to some buildings echoed with that familiar and extremely annoying voice of the one and only J.J. Jameson shouting his lungs out.

"That **menace** has taken out yet another building! How much property damage is he going to have to make before someone does something about it?! You call that being a superhero? Face it New York! Spider-man is just a kid in a costume playing dress up! He causes nothing but trouble and you're all letting it happen! He's making a mess of our city! Spider-man is a MENACE!"

Peter gritted his teeth and swung over to his apartment, or rather- his and Deadpool's- leaving Tony behind without a word.

 _God that man never shuts up. You save people and you get a giant fuck you in return. Would it kill anyone to be more appreciative?_

He opened the window and slid in legs first.

 _But then again, maybe if I never took up this_ responsibility _none of this would be happening. Maybe there wouldn't be these super animal themed mutated villains, maybe Gwen…_

"Ugh stop it," Peter whispered slapping his cheeks, "Not the time to be self-deprecating yet. The day's not over."

"Hey Wade? Are you home? "He was met with silence for an answer, "Still on a job I see…"

What was he going to do? He still had a good three hours before his usual Spider-man patrol, and he wasn't going to head back to Stark's Tower. Not with the high probability of Tony informing everyone that he's probably sleeping with someone, which he was.

"Guess I'll take a nap then…"


	2. Chapter 2

He was startled awake by a loud crash followed by a heavy thump. Kind of like a body hitting the floor when they dropped unconscious, or dead.

His heart leapt at the thought.

He got off the bed and crept up to peer outside his bedroom, keeping silent. His spider-sense didn't go off so he assumed it was safe.

"Wade?" He called, pushing past the bedroom door and into the living room area. A few more steps and the kitchen was in view. Deadpool stood before an opened refrigerator rummaging through leftovers when he heard the hero's tired voice.

"Pete? Sorry, did I wake you?" He let go of the refrigerator's door and watched it slam shut before he turned around.

"Oh thank god," Peter sighed, hurrying over to Wade. The moment the mercenary was an arms length away, Peter jumped to hug him. "It sounded like someone passed out."

Wade laughed returning the hug with a tight squeeze. "That would be the bag," he motioned over to the door where part of his weapon stash laid.

"And the crash?"

"I may or may not have tripped over the couch," he replied with a grin.

 **{That was hilarious!}**

 **[How the hell do you manage to do that?]**

"Hey! It was dark, don't judge."

 **[Too late.]**

"I'm not," Peter said with a soft chuckle, unaware of the boxes conversation, "I probably would've tripped as well. But I've been living here for a while, I'm pretty sure I can find the couch with my eyes closed."

"Rub it my face why don'tcha."

Wade released his hold on his boyfriend and stretched.

"So whatcha been up to baby boy?"

Peter groaned and turned around, "Oh you know, the usual. Taking down Electro, J.J.J being a complete jerk, and Stark being a prick."

"Do I need to kill someone?" Wade questioned, his masked eyes squinting. He pictured himself slicing some bastard's dick off with his katanas and feeding it to the poor guy. He felt a surge of blood lust, and wondered briefly if he should sharpen his blades.

"No killing," Peter responded sternly, but smiled nonetheless, "But your concern is appreciated."

There was a short pause which was filled with a comfortable silence. Then Peter spoke up, "Well time to go on patrol. You coming?"

"Hell yeah!" Wade exclaimed, his grin clear despite the mask covering it. With that, the two headed off to patrol at the dead of night. Not more than two minutes of walking around and joking, a scream echoed from a distant alleyway. Spider-Man and Deadpool darted off towards the sound.

"Remember: no killing," Spider-Man quickly reminded his companion - not that he really needed to seeing how Deadpool hadn't offed anyone since they'd gotten together- before he jumped up onto a wall and crawled away quickly, the darkness of the night covering him. Deadpool continued to run straight into the alleyway. He came to a stop when he was a few feet away from the man who was holding a knife to a woman. He noticed there was also a child, no older than eight, standing next to the woman with tears in his eyes.

"Step away from the woman, asshole. That's your only warning," Deadpool called out as he drew his katanas. The large man holding the knife to the woman's neck, barely turned his head to look at the mercenary.

"Get lost," the man bit out, pressing the knife harder against the woman's neck. She let out a yelp of pain and surprise, her eyes widening in fear. Her child cried out and pulled at the man's pants.

"P-Please...Let my mommy go," the boy begged, tears falling from his eyes.

"Shut up, brat!" The man growled, kicking the child. The boy was sent flying into the wall. The woman let out a loud cry, glaring at the man. When Deadpool advanced towards him, the man shouted, "Don't come any closer. If you do...I-I'll kill her."

Spider-Man dropped from above, kicking the man away from the woman as he twisted the knife out of the man's hand. The woman ran over to her child and checked to see if he was okay. Spider-Man left the man for Deadpool to take care of as he rushed over to the woman's side to check on the two.

Meanwhile, Deadpool threw a few hard punches at the man, breaking the man's nose and cheekbone. He used his blades to cut into the man's flesh. Spider-Man rushed towards them when he heard the man's screams of pain.

"Deadpool! That's enough. Stop!" The hero shouted, webbing the mercenary's weapons away from him, and then webbing the bastard away from his boyfriend.

' _Stop? Why stop? We should_ _**kill**_ _that son of a bitch. Don't hold back.'_ A voice hissed away in the back of Spidey's mind. Spider-Man shook his head and returned his attention to Deadpool. The thought startled him.

"He hurt a kid, Spidey. The bastard deserves worse," Deadpool snarled, reaching for his katanas that were laying at Spider-Man's feet. The hero shook his head at his partner before turning to the woman and her child.

"Are you both alright?" He asked them. He knew that physically they were alright because he checked them earlier, but he wanted to be certain. They both nodded.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. Both of you," the woman whispered. The sound of sirens approaching reached their ears. Before anything more could be said, Spider-Man and Deadpool left the scene.

As soon as they returned to their small apartment, Peter plopped himself onto his bed pulling off his suit and dumping it into the corner beside the bed. Deadpool did the same, albeit leaving the mask. Peter didn't mind, as much as he loved his face, Wade's comfort came first.

As Wade slipped into the bathroom as Peter's thoughts wandered.

The voice in the back of his mind was whispering. It was hard to notice despite it being in his own mind, and yet he needed to concentrate in order to hear it. Why he tried to listen was beyond him.

' _Why do we need to run from the cops?'_ It whispered, ' _We're a hero, we're on their side, and yet every time we accomplish a great deed we run. It's like we're a criminal. We save people, risk our life for them, but we're treated as criminals, a threat. We aren't appreciated enough. We aren't_ _ **THANKED**_ _. It's not like they need to give a fucking award!_ _ **A simple thanks costs nothing!'**_

The voice was screaming now. Peter clutched his head, curling his body up. He knew there were a few cops out there that didn't like him. The rest were more than happy to have his help, but just because they were happy for the assistance didn't mean they wouldn't turn on him like the other cops.

' _ **Face it Parker, you're unwanted.'**_ The sudden self-loathing was shocking. The words transitioned from anger at others, to self-hatred.

' _ **Worthless!'**_ It hissed. Tears were forming as Peter whimpered softly, biting his lips.

' _ **You try so hard and for what? Everything you do is pointless. A waste of energy and effort. You tried to save GWEN and for what? She**_ _ **DIED**_ _ **. You tried to lock away the bad guys and what happens? They**_ _ **ESCAPE**_ _ **. And what happens when they escape? People die.**_ _ **INNOCENT**_ _**people die.'**_

Peter whined.

' _ **Everyone hates you, everyone's out to get you, everyone wants**_ _ **you**_ _**dead. Do you see this? Do you see the pattern? You. Unwanted, worthless, nerdy, puny Parker.'**_ His mind screamed.

"Shut up!" Peter screeched back.

"-idey."

' _Let us help you. Let go. Let us take over, we can-"_

"PETER!" Wade shouted as he gripped Peter's shoulder and yanked, pulling the younger man out from his curled up position.

Peter's mind was ringing, like after listening to anything at full volume and having it go silent suddenly. It took him a minute to process his position. His eyes burned with tears, and he was pretty sure his face and eyes were red.

Wade was saying something to him, but he couldn't hear anything other than the insane ringing in his ears. He could feel his heart pulsing in his head and everything was suddenly uncomfortable.

Peter stared up at Wade, breathing hitched as he tried to make out what the older man was saying.

"Hey," Wade said calmly, brushing a thumb to the side of Peter's face. "What happened? You were all zoned out and then suddenly you were screaming."

Peter shook his head, and pulled Wade's arm away.

"And don't tell me it's nothing."

Peter sighed. It was nothing he couldn't deal with, so he figured telling Wade was pointless. After all it wasn't the first time his thoughts turned sour. Even so, he was still pretty much happy whenever he was around Wade. Wade who also had issues, all of which was worse than whatever Peter thought he himself was going through.

Compared to Wade, this was nothing.

So instead of doing the "reasonable" thing, Peter grinned and sat with his back straight and his legs crossed.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about J. , and his voice was just super annoying. Honestly who thought it was a great idea to put giant tv's on the buildings? All those poor people and their ears. Seriously, how much yelling can one person do?" Peter rambled.

Wade stared at him, his mask morphed in concern and doubt, but he said nothing about Peter's unconvincing rant.

[ **He's lying. People don't look like they've been punched in the face when they're annoyed.]**

 **{And he was crying!}** If the boxes could whine, yellow was doing just that.

Wade huffed and pulled Peter into a side hug before pulling them both down onto the bed with Peter on top of him.

' _People can cry when they're annoyed.'_ Wade thought back.

 **[You don't seriously think that's what it was do you?]**

The boxes were right, he didn't think so. He'd seen Peter cry himself to sleep a couple of times, he'd seen him clearly annoyed, angry and depressed and he was pretty sure it wasn't J.J.J's annoying voice that was the problem. Although J.J.J himself and what he says were sure as hell part of _the_ problem.

 **{I think this is the first time we've seen him freak out like that.}**

 **[I don't think he's okay.]**

Wade silently agreed and turned his attention back to the younger man in his arms.

"If it makes you feel any better I'd be happy to take out those tv's for ya. Or Jameson, I will definitely find pleasure in offing Jameson."

"As much as I'm tempted, I'll have to decline your offer." Peter responded, forcing a small smile. "But, thank you anyways."

He slid off of Wade and landed with a soft thump beside him.

"Anything for you babe. Now get some sleep."

It was around four in the morning when Wade's phone went off. It buzzed loudly from where it sat on the desk beside their bed. Each buzz sent it dancing closer to the edge where it would eventually fall to it's demise.

Wade groaned and flung his arm out gracelessly, his hand smacking the top of the desk a couple times before he finally grabbed the device before it had the chance to fall.

He squinted at the bright screen, cursed as he saw the time and cursed again when he noticed the name on the caller id.

 **[Tony fucking Stark]**

"What could he possibly want at four fucking AM?" Wade muttered as he swiped at his screen."Heeey, what's six inches long and hangs upside down?"

"Um, W-what?" Tony stuttered at the unexpected question.

"A bat! Now...what's nine inches long and hangs up?" With that Wade hung up and grinned at the ceiling.

 **[Pretty sure you're phone isn't 9 inches.]**

"No need to get all technical."

 **{OMG can you imagine the face he's making? We just hung up on Tony motherfucking Stark!}** The box was practically screaming.

Peter shifted next to him, and Wade felt his eyes on him.

"Morning pretty boy~"

Peter smirked, blinking tiredly and glanced at the phone in his hand, "A job?"

"Stark." Wade replied with a grin, "Dunno what he wanted though, hung up on him!" He laughed.

Peter frowned, his brows furrowed in thought, "Maybe you should call back, it could've been important."

"What could possible be important at four in the morning?"

The question was left unanswered as Wade's phone began to violently buzz once again, this time Peter reached over and answered the phone.

"Hey Tony."

"Peter? What are you doing with Deadpool's phone?" Peter winced and mentally cursed.

"Just came back from patrol, met Deadpool along the way. He didn't want to answer so I did for him." He lied, glancing over at the mercenary.

"Well you might want to put this on speaker phone." Tony said and Peter did just that, "There's been a _small_ alien invasion, we could use some help. We'll send the coordinates to your phone."

Peter shot Wade a look, "We'll be there."

"Great. And Wade? Not all bats are s-"

"Oh shush you, no one cares." Wade interrupted and reached over to push the red button on the screen.

 **[We said bats but what we really meant was dick-]**

 **{Or did we?}**

 **[-We all know that's what Stark was thinking.]**

 **{Ooooh, the genius is thinkin' dirty~! We likey.}**

Wade laughed and shot to his feet, "Alright baby boy let's go hunt things and save people."

Peter had already thrown on his Spider-Man suit during the boxes discussion and was waiting by the window.

As Wade threw on his suit and jumped through the window after him Peter spoke up, "So what was this about bats?"

"Nothin' sweetums~" Wade answered, "Do I get a spidey back ride?"

"Only if you tell me what happened."

Wade hummed as he reached out to the spider themed hero and quickly recapped the conversation.

Peter laughed and leaned down for Wade to grab hold, "That's a good one actually. Nice."

"I know right, I'm a genius!"

With that they swung over to their destination.


End file.
